The Blueberry Pie Incident
by Beatrix Bloxam
Summary: ."Right. So what do Lily Evans, blueberry pie and Professor Binns have to do with each other? Fortunately for me, everything." James relates the infamous tale.


Another fic, this one written within the past couple of weeks. Inspired by my desperate need to write something, and a weird incident of not being able to get blueberries out of my head. Anyway, anything you recognize belongs to JK Rowling et. al. I'm just borrowing it. The rest is mine, bugger off. Rated PG for... erm... James' private thoughts. The title is borrowed from Calvin and Hobbes, after the Noodle Incident (haha, I love that) Right, so read, review, make me feel loved. And enjoy.  
  
-Trinity  
  
----  
  
Lily Evans.  
  
Lily Evans smiled.  
  
Lily Evans smiled at ME.  
  
Lily Evans smiled at me for the first time in five years.  
  
Lily Evans smiled at me for the first time in five years today.  
  
Needless to say, I was shocked.  
  
Let me preface this by saying that Lily Evans has hated me for years. As long as I can remember- well, except for one fateful occasion first year, before which time she didn't hate me.  
  
But I barely remember that time. So, for purposes of simplicity, Lily Evans has always hated me. And why not? James Potter is the biggest jerk in school, right? Of course.  
  
But she SMILED at ME today.  
  
Whoa.  
  
You have no idea how grateful I was to dinner's blueberry pie.  
  
Right. So what do Lily Evans, blueberry pie and Professor Binns have to do with each other? Fortunately for me, everything.  
  
I should mention that Professor Binns died last Friday. It was weird- we were all sitting in class, waiting for him to arrive, when what should happen but a ghost floats into the classroom. This is highly illegal by Hogwarts standards- ghosts aren't allowed in classrooms during classes, under penalty of expulsion from Hogwarts grounds. Lucky for the professors- Sirius has tried to get Peeves into class so many times you wouldn't believe it.  
  
Right, so this ghost floated into class. For a minute, no one knew what to do. Then someone (I think it was Peter, of all people) realized it was Binns. Well, last we checked, Binns was alive and well. Not any more. Apparently, between last class and our class, he'd died. Not that something silly like death could stop him, because here he was, ready to teach class, fully unaware that he was dead. Well, since he wouldn't believe us when we argued he was DEFINITELY a ghost, and certainly NOT alive, someone ran to get Dumbledore. Not that I blame Binns- we'd pulled that one on him before. But the one time we were serious, he didn't buy it. Figures.  
  
Anyway, Binns had, by the point of the blueberry pie incident, been dead less than a week (although he had gotten around to believing it- it's hard to argue with Dumbledore about such things). It takes some getting used to, I imagine, being dead- so you can't really blame the guy for forgetting sometimes. Ok, forgetting a LOT. Like, all the time. So he was at dinner, as usual, trying to eat.  
  
Ghosts can't eat, if you didn't know. Ghosts are nothing but air, soul and something akin to smoke. Smoke, souls and air don't digest anything, especially blueberry pies. Even if the ghost is only a few days old. Well, unfortunately for us, Binns didn't remember this. I'm sure he knew it- I mean, every wizard who's passed basic Defense knows the makeup of a ghost- but he didn't put two and two together: he's a ghost; ghosts can't eat.  
  
So Binns was trying to eat a slice of blueberry pie at dinner tonight. McGonagall was doing her very best to stop him- I mean, blueberry pie is messy, and gets EVERYWHERE when a ghost tries to eat it. But, you know Binns- oblivious is his first name.  
  
Actually, I think it might be. Does anyone know Binns' first name?  
  
Anyway, at about this time, Sirius (what, did you expect someone else? It's always Sirius- rule one of Marauding and living at Hogwarts with the Marauders. It's ALWAYS Sirius, and if it isn't, you're being tricked) was trying to hit a couple of Gryffindor sixth years with shaving cream filled water balloons. Yeah, Mom bought a muggle television this summer. No, Sirius did not leave the house all summer. Yeah. Fortunately, he wasn't any where near Lily, or I would have had to beat some sense into him. I hate doing that. But I didn't have to. Binns tried to do it for me.  
  
Binns HATES troublemakers. Hates them hates them hates them. Especially Sirius. So when the Gryffindor girls started getting soaked with a white foamy substance, Binns was on top of us IMMEDIATELY. This is nothing new- Binns was always fast for an old guy. Especially for a little old guy. But he hadn't tried it since he'd died. Ghosts are REALLY fast, if you didn't know.  
  
Now, this would all be fine- he doesn't give out detentions because he would have to do paperwork and stuff, and Binns hates that stuff more than he hates troublemakers. But I think I mentioned Binns was eating blueberry pie. And I think I also mentioned that ghosts can't eat. Their food just kind of... floats through them. It'll stay airborne for a few minutes, but it doesn't stay indefinitely.  
  
And I was being literal when I said Binns was on top of us.  
  
Yep. Before Sirius could even begin his necessary sucking up, we were DOUSED in blueberry pie. And it was cold, let me tell you. Not one of my more pleasant dinners.  
  
So how does the ever wonderful Lily Evans fit in here? She picked this brilliant moment to stop by our seats to ask Remus for her Transfiguration notes. Well, the biggest troublemakers in school, covered in blueberry pie, is enough to make any prefect smile. And Lily is no exception.  
  
And she smiled at me.  
  
Not at Sirius. Not a shared smile with Remus.  
  
She smiled at me.  
  
Me.  
  
James Potter! Lily Evans smiled at me!  
  
Will wonders never cease. Sure, she was smiling at my predicament- I'm surprised she didn't laugh. But she smiled at me. It was short- only a few seconds- but she smiled AT ME before turning to Remus, who was laughing his head off. Stupid Moony, can't pass up an opportunity to laugh at Sirius or me.  
  
Of course, I didn't really care by this point- I was in shock. Partially from the very cold blueberry pie seeping down my shirt, but more from that brilliant smile Lily just gave me. It wasn't a smirk; it wasn't one of those "serves you right" smiles. It was a smile that said "you're kind of funny, in a cute way." It said "jerks don't get covered in blueberry pie. You must not be a jerk." It said "I could possibly conceive of going on a date with you. And then maybe marrying you and having six of your lovely children." It was BRILLIANT, I tell you. And it was all for me.  
  
Sirius argues this, but I think he's just being a pain. As usual. He claims she was 1) smiling condescendingly (nope) and 2) smiling at both of us (double nope). But he's just jealous- no one was smiling at him after the incident, they were all laughing their heads off. But Lily smiled at me.  
  
She likes me. I know it.  
  
I wonder if we should six or seven kids?  
  
---- 


End file.
